Pulling Your Punches Leaves You With A Black Eye
When you soften your truth to avoid discomfort, you don’t protect peace—you invite pain. In this post, I share how pulling emotional punches in the name of people-pleasing only leads to regret, blurred boundaries, and self-betrayal. Assertiveness isn’t aggression—it’s self-respect.
That’s right, I said it. If you pull that punch now it’ll leave you with a black eye later.
What do I mean?
Those with my personality type can resonate when I say there are moments when we need to say something firmly, set a boundary, or speak up about wrongdoing. We swallow our nervousness, calm our anxiety, drum up the courage to address the issue, and then proceed to completely fumble the entire thing.
How?
Instead of addressing the serious issue with a firm voice, I deliver my message in a lighthearted or timid tone out of fear that I may offend. To go a little further into my psyche, it’s out of fear that the person may cease to like, love, or accept me. I care too much about what they think and not enough about how I feel.
With fear guiding me, I soften the impact of my words, essentially pulling my punch.
When I tone down what needs to be said firmly, what I’m communicating to the other party is they don’t have to take my request seriously.
Don’t get me wrong, a soft tongue does break a bone but there’s a time and a place for proper correction and the laying of boundaries.
There’s a difference between asking someone to respect you while giggling nervously and letting them know if you’re not respected then they will lose access to you. One of those statements is an optional request, the other is a requirement to be in a healthy relationship with me.
It’s not being stuck up, it’s called loving and respecting myself enough to speak up. If I lose someone’s love and acceptance over that then I dare say it wasn’t a healthy relationship for me to be in.
That leads me to the other side of the equation, the black eye. If my boundary or what I’m saying isn’t adhered to, then who walks away hurt? Who opens the door for future offenses? Who lives with the regret of not delivering what needed to be said in the manner it should have been said?
Me. You. And all of those like us who are out there pulling punches and walking away with black eyes.
Now, I must warn you to not read this and go full Rocky Balboa throwing punches left and right with the occasional uppercut. To be assertive doesn’t mean to be overwhelmingly aggressive. Being assertive means you’re holding your ground, speaking confidently, and standing up for yourself or others.
This can all be done with a “soft tongue.” No cursing, name-calling, or shouting is needed. A firm, confident, clear delivery will do. Again, if your form of being “assertive” just involves you hurting someone’s feelings and bringing them down then you’re not assertive, you’re just immature. This isn’t a license to be mean but a roadmap that leads to self-preservation.
Sometimes it may take speaking more than once. Sometimes it may take only a few words. Either way, don’t despair. The next time you go to address something, lay down a boundary, or speak on wrongdoing, remember the consequences of chickening out.
Don’t pull that punch.